#past eating disorders

[nervousloveheart]

When your anxiety, social anxiety, depression, adhd, autism, past eating disorders, lack of sleep, INFJ straits, and forgetfulness towards taking medication come together and you're just like:

[kowwpow]

Doing this bc I’m scared to and won’t on my own

if this gets 5k notes by October 20th, I will tell my dad about my eating disorder and get help to recover + therapist

Rules:

No spamming

5 notes per person including likes

if either one of those is broken, I’m reducing the time limit, basically making it less likely to hit the goal on time

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PLEASE STOP SPAMMING

tagging is okay

Might delete later(sorry!) because I’m scarrredddd, I don’t wanna tell my dad >:l

[desultory-suggestions]

It's okay to be scraping by. Even if you would rather be doing better, even if you technically could be doing better. Sometimes the weight of things just pushes us down. Keep moving forward, even if is slow. In time you will be back where you want to be.

[piratefishmama]

Finders Givers | Part 1

“—But maybe someday when my ship comes iiiin~ She’ll understand what kinda guy I’ve been, an then I’ll win”

“Chrriiiisss!!” Eddie whined as he tossed himself onto his front, burrowing his head under the pillow

“And when she’s waaalkin, she’s loookin, so FI-I-IIIINE!!”

“CHRIS!!” It was no use, she couldn’t hear him. Too busy belting out Billy Joel in their little kitchenette at… he shoved his pillow aside, realising it was a fruitless endeavour to try and block out the dying cat that was his roommate.

They’d gotten in at just gone two in the morning after blowing the very last of their ‘rainy day’ fund on ten for two dollar shots at a local student haunt, and now it was… ten in the morning, they didn’t have jobs left to get ready for, he still hadn't been able to find his wallet anywhere.

And Chrissy was. Singing.

As if they didn’t have to start job hunting again or risk the fury that was their greasy landlord and his mission to extort them of all their hard earned money. They’d be out on their asses by months end if they didn’t find something soon and the band wasn’t raking in as much cash as he’d have liked for it to be raking in.

Last he heard some big shot was looking to buy the Hideout too, probably shut them down for good. That’d be just their luck.

“An when she’s TAAALKIN she’ll say that she’s MI-I-IIINEE!” He threw his covers off, accepting defeat. At least it smelled like eggs and bacon, so she was clearly cooking the last of their breakfast foods.

Chrissy was of course in her sleep shirt, legs bare, with naught but slipper socks to keep her toes cosy on the tile floors of their kitchenette, swaying to the vinyl player belting out Billy Joel by the open window. Many a man’s fantasy come true, Chrissy was a vision while lost in her favourite music, but to him, Eddie Munson resident flaming homosexual, okay she was still beautiful he had eyes, but those leggy legs and swaying hips didn’t do it for him, thanks. “CHRISS!!”

And she jumped, barely managing to save the bacon from winding up as a sacrifice to the dastardly floor gods. Whipping around to face him, she graced him with the signature Chrissy ‘sunshine smile’ which… didn’t track for the killer hangover she ought to have had given she had three rounds of those shots all in that tiny-ass body of hers.

“Eddieee!!”

“Chrisssyyyy, what’cha doin, Chriss?”

“Breakfast! And Billy Joel!”

“I see that, at… ten in the morning, after student night!” They weren’t students, Chriss could pass for one though “Whaaat’s going on?”

“Letter! The letter, on the top there, read it!” And she was turning her back again hips swaying, moving the foods over to two plates, the only two they currently had clean, oof, it was his turn on dishes, damn what he wouldn’t give for a dishwasher.

Curiosity piqued, he crossed the short distance (it wasn’t a large apartment) and plucked up the neatly tri-folded piece of paper, letterheaded with a real fancy SH logo, a business address and corporate phone number, the letter reading,

“Dear Tenant” he didn’t do inner voices, he had to read it out loud “This is to inform you that as of the week commencing June 12th the building will be under… under new… new ownership?!” He looked up, eyes wide with alarm.

“Keep reading!!” She prompted as if predicting his alarm, she wasn’t even looking at him, clearly jazzed about something, new ownership? The building had been sold from under them and she was happy? He looked back at the paper.

“At this time, we will be… suspending… suspending?” She nodded, turning with two plates in her hand to their tiny little table that Wayne had donated when they moved in “suspending your required rent payments as we… look toward renovating the building and all apartments within.”

“Keep reading, there’s more!” He sat down at his usual chair, paper held in both hands, eyes fixed to the print as he read.

“Any rent arrears accrued in the duration of the building renovations will be… hold up—”

“Yep.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope, not joking, it’s official I called them this morning, took me ages to get through to someone but it’s legit, Eddie.”

“But—but shit like this—this doesn’t happen Chriss, and you know what the Police said that one time you got scammed, right? If it seems too good—” he was still looking at that word, that one little word that made all the difference.

“Then it’s probably too good to be true! I know, I know, but I got the confirmation from their office, I GOOGLED the number too, I didn’t just call the one on the letter cause I know scams can get’cha that way.” Although what kind of scam it could be was baffling as it wasn’t asking for money it was saying they wouldn’t be asking for money for a while “sobered my ass right up let me tell you, best hangover cure in the world, and Mrs Jablonski next door got one too! And Dottie across the hall, I’m pretty sure I heard upstairs yelling earlier, an I mean like happy yelling, not yelling yelling like usual. Cheering! I think it’s legit, Eddie…”

“So… we just… we don’t have to pay rent, at all… for however the fuck long these renovations take to happen? Do we have an expected completion date to these renovations? Or start date?”

“Nope, just a from week commencing, the lady on the phone had no idea about them but she got the confirmation from ‘upstairs’ and just said there’d be more information sent to us eventually and not to worry about it.”

“Not to worry—not to worry about it?” He wanted to worry about it, every fibre of his being demanded he worry about it. Not that they could even pay rent if it was asked for, they had no money and no jobs after he’d decked their line manager for calling Chrissy fat, she was not fat, and she’d only just stopped staring at herself in the mirror as if every inch of her was wrong. She’d passed the month mark since she‘d last forced herself to throw up. She was finally getting some plump back into her cheeks.

She was on the mend. She was recovering. And he’d just—Eddie had seen red. He just wished he’d have been wearing his rings at the time.

“You can call them if you want!” She spoke around a mouthful of sunny side up eggs. “I think whatever it was, was a really random decision high up, like… it wasn’t something decided upon by a board of directors or anything because she took a while to get confirmation about it, but—but I dunno Eddie, maybe… maybe things can be good for a while.” They wouldn’t have to panic about getting jobs.

Wouldn’t have to deal with grease trap Carl the guy who collected their rent every month who seemed to just… always be greasy. Hands, hair, face, clothes. Who’d look at Chrissy like she was a piece of meat, or make disgusting comments about how lucky Eddie was to live with her, while she was stood right there holding Eddie’s arm back stopping him from launching at the guy.

Wayne had offered to run the guy over one time “Would be a one an done, son, would catch him at just the right time as he left the place an be gone just as fast, wouldn’t even know I was there.” Like a grade A parent, with all the gold stars available at the local craft store. But Eddie could deal with Carl.

They wouldn’t have to anymore though. If this was legit, it meant Carl was gone. No more Carl.

“…Screw calling them, I think we should go down there and see what’s up.”

“M’kay, but eat your damn breakfast that’s the last of the maple bacon an you got the bigger piece.” If he immediately traded the bigger piece on his plate for the smaller one on hers, well… she only smiled over it, she liked the maple kind more than him anyway.

Or so he'd told her.

Part 3

[howlsofbloodhounds]

thinking about killer gaining more weight in his good ending over the years as he heals and recovers and has more access to consistent food and slowly relearns how to reconnect to his body and understand/care about its needs and the increased dissociation and discomfort as his body changes in st2 and yet some comfort as it becomes more sans-like for st1 and also color being so supportive and loving and just you know, body worship

[skele-bunny]

Thinking about Dewther Psych Ward AU....

CW - Major Power Imbalance (Patient/Therapist), Manipulation of a Vulnerable Persons, Vague Implications of Assault, Talk of Past Addiction, Self Harm, and Disordered Eating. (None in great detail!!), Light Accidental Misgendering & Deadnaming

This is super ethically fucked but where's the fun without it /silly

Tags for: @artificialmoth , @sageofthestarz , @cosmicseafoam

Aether's been a doctor at an institute for over six years now. He's seen it all. From mental health, drug addiction, criminals who use it as a cop out, to even children struggling to distinguish reality from fantasy. He's seen it. But none, absolutely none, could prepare him for a recent intake.

Delilah.

Came in the back of a police car, yelling, cursing at the staff and hitting everyone if she got the chance. Normal to be honest, he's had worse. Trying to softly talk her down and it works somewhat with the help of getting her medications and she's able to fall asleep in medical for the night.

He meets with her the next evening, quieter and staring out one of the locked windows in his office.

"Delilah? Are you alright?"

She just glances over before sighing, going back to the window, hand under her chin and obviously annoyed. "It's Dewdrop. I don't know how many times I have to tell people that."

"Oh! I apologize. I'll make sure to put that in my notes... Do you prefer male terms?"

Another scoff and he turns again, "What do you think, genius?"

"Right. My apologies again."

"Don't bother," He's curled up on himself, staring at the ceiling and leaned back. "I know how this game works. You're not the first and you won't be the last. I mean, I get baker acted from another fucking inpatient facility to here because they 'can't help me', when that's literally their job. You're gonna ask me about my past, so what do you wanna know!" Shrugs and sits back up with a bit of laughter. "You wanna know about my dear ole daddy, my teen druggy years, the fact I can't eat without having a breakdown, or that I haven't been trusted around a pair of fucking kids craft scissors since I was 15. I'm 25."

Aether just nods, wiggling his pen between his fingers. "Well, I was actually going to ask you about you, currently. Not your past or your issues. I like to get to know people before I treat them."

"You're not gonna help me, buddy. I appreciate the enthusiasm, however."

It's a bit of a stare down before Aether smiles, sitting up in his chair a bit more. "Sure. There's no guarantee I can actually help you, but I am the only way you can get out of this facility. You can't leave until I mark you as competent and safe to be released. So, let's just pass the time and at least learn what the others music type is, hm?"

It takes a moment before Dew just smirks back and relaxes back, elbow on the arm rest and staring. "Top five genres and why."

It's like that for at least three weeks. Dew in his office, messing around with the many stim toys and activities inside, lounging around, and speaking about whatever topic of the day. Dew isn't meeting his markers at all, but Aether is quietly checking them to imitate he's actually improving.

It's all up until Aether gets called into the unit for an emergency de-escalation, seeing it as Dewdrop's room. He's screaming, standing on the bed and throwing things at the staff; shaking and crying his eyes out.

"Dewdrop?" Aether moves out of the way as a shampoo bottle is thrown near. "Hey! Hey... What's the matter?"

"Tell them to get the fuck out! Get out!!" Another item thrown.

"I can't do that until you stop throwing things, Dew. Maybe if you tell me what's going on, we can come to an agreement?"

"I—" Dew swallows pretty hard. "I just wanted to take a nap. A fucking nap! Next thing I know there's two dudes shaking me awake, they fucking touched me, and I just- I wanted to sleep!" The pillow is thrown.

Aether looks at the staff who's kinda sheepish, glaring at them. "I'm sorry that happened Dew. They were wrong for doing that, they should know better than to physically touch you especially while you're sleeping. Tell you what, you know that giant bean bag in my office?"

Dew sniffles, shaking and standing still but not throwing anything anymore. "Yeah...?"

"Why don't you come take a nap in my office? You'll be left alone, and I'll be right there. My only condition is you have to come down and stop throwing things, okay?"

"Tell them to back away and I will!"

"Okay, okay... Deep breaths." Turns to the staff and shoos them out of sight, showing his hands as he enters the room. "Alright. They moved. Your turn to hold the deal."

It takes a while before Dewdrop slowly steps down, hesitant before running to Aether, hugging him tight but only getting a light, nervous pat on his back in return. Gently escorted out of the unit and to his office, laid down in the corner and Aether's jacket over his torso. He's still sniffly and shaking, scratching at the bandages on his arm as he watches Aether sit at his desk and start paperwork.

"Dr. Quint?"

"Yes, Dew?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

It's said so soft, it almost breaks Aether's heart. "Because I care about you Dewdrop, and everyone deserves kindness, no matter who they are, what they're doing or done. It's a basic human affection."

It's silent after that, but it's what cracks Dew's shell and starts the lingering thoughts.

Dew is willingly telling Aether all his traumas and struggles, actually listening to advice being brought back, and it's starting to cause a very unhealthy attachment. Dew's never had a positive older male figure in his life, and Aether knows Dew is clinging and crossing professional boundaries but... He's allowing it. He likes Dew being around. Is actually filling out his forms properly, too.

Starts coming out more for supportive eating and trauma processing groups, how Dew clings to him as soon as he's in view inside the unit. Gosh, Aether loves it. He loves how he managed to break Dewdrop's shell. He managed to earn trust. He is the only one Dew wants. His biggest case he's finally started to crack, and Aether enjoys every bit of it.

Even as Dew starts trauma responding without realizing and getting flirty with Aether, it'll be softly reciprocated. Little things that's started being over thought; Aether keeps small snacks in his office he knows Dewdrop likes in case he misses an eating marker, and Dew takes that as Aether showing love. Aether doesn't correct the assumption.

All it takes is Aether doing a night round to assist with medications and being left alone in Dew's room, the only amab Dew can handle being in there so late and unsupervised. Watching him slowly blink and try to fight the sleep meds, rubbing Dew's shoulder.

"I love you..."

It's so soft from Dew's lips, and Aether can only smile as he leans down and whispers it back with a tiny peck. Watches Dew fall asleep before leaving, so excited, and feeling... Happy. Full. Motivated.

Aether's been single for a while, and he's never really felt so... Needed before! This is exciting him, his chest swelling, hands tingly. Dewdrop is basically a new hyperfixation of his. None of his other patients has his attention like this one, nor his desire for more.

Their sessions are becoming more and more closer, more intimate and honest.

"—It sounds like you have a fear of sex, right? It makes sense with all you've dealt with. Intercourse can honestly be a very scary thing, but not all the time. I think one thing that would definitely start helping you is to leave the lights on. Even when it's just you! You're able to see your surroundings and it erased the same factor you experienced for so long: it happening in the dark." Aether explaining as he looks as Dew on the bean bag he's claimed as 'his.'

It's so close near his desk. Was it purposeful? Maybe.

"Giving yourself time and more control over your body is the best way to start healing. Find what works for you until you feel safe to advance step-by-step."

It's so close that Dew lays his head on Aether's knee, who doesn't mind. Hand trailing up his pants leg and poking his long socks. "I feel safe to advance with you..."

Aether immediately eyes the door and his timer, locked and still with over thirty minutes left. Flicks back down to Dew who's hands have now started cradling his leg, massaging, and going up higher. He's not stopping him, he's not correcting the behavior, and he's most definitely violating multiple contract agreements.

Dewdrop moving to his knees, hands replaced on Aether's thighs, face looking up soft and wanting. "Can I advance with you, Dr. Quint?"

And he nods. Let's his body speak for itself as he's tented in his khakis. Eventually pulling out the single condom in his wallet after moving Dew to a clean spot on his desk and exploring what noises he'll have to muffle.

Tying off the full rubber, hiding it within paper towels and under his lunch, helping redress Dew who's smiling and curling on his lap to kiss him.

"We jumped some steps, didn't we?" All giggly, face tucked in Aether's neck, running a hand under his wrinkled button up.

Week five arrives and so does a packet on his desk asking if Dewdrop is suited enough to be discharged or if he'll stay longer. Aether is staring at it more and more, able to answer a majority honestly, but the last piece?

Can This Patient Be Released?

Treatment Completed. ___

Treatment Unfinished, OR. ___

Treatment Unfinished. ___

Could Dew technically go back to his previous impatient? Well, yes... He's reached enough markers to do so. But they'll ruin his progress! All Aether worked hard to get to. That space is too vulnerable, too unrestrictive. Dew needs stability, a routine, and walls. Aether can give that, so easily, and with a sign of his initials on the line.

He'll ignore the fact that he's not ready to let Dewdrop go yet.

Drops off the paperwork and leaves the therapist hallway to walk into the unit, looking for his beloved patient for their next session.

[diimpledoll]

I felt hot for my allotted two minutes out of the year this day 🥲

[bloody-bee-tea]

June of (minimal) Doom 2024 Day 20 - I can handle it

Warnings in case you haven't read the tags: self-harm, scars, eating disorders

Suguru is usually better at hand-to-hand combat than this but then again, he’s not normally up against a curse that charges right in and changes its form seemingly with every heartbeat.

The knives instead of limbs certainly come as a surprise, Suguru is not going to lie about that, and it explains his inability to evade the attack. The curse leaves a deep gash on his arm–thankfully not anything worse–right before Satoru swoops in to obliterate it into its next life.

Suguru lets out a deep sigh, because it was just a touch too late for Satoru to prevent Suguru from getting hurt and he knows that Satoru is going to whine his ear off about it. It’s done out of worry, Suguru knows that, but it’s still hard to take sometimes and he’s not looking forward to it. 

Especially since they are stuck in this village with no way out for another day.

“Great work,” Suguru says, once he’s certain the curse is gone for good and that no other ones are lingering around and quickly angles his body in a way that hides his arm when Satoru’s eyes fall on the deep gash there, an incredulous look on his face.

“Great work? You got slashed all open because I was too slow!”

“It’s nothing,” Suguru says, willing his blood to stop dripping down his arm, but of course he doesn’t have that kind of control over his body.

“Suguru, you’re bleeding like crazy! We need to get this bandaged as soon as possible,” Satoru rushes out and Suguru does not expect him to reach for his injured arm, so he’s slow to react.

By the time he snatches his arm back, Satoru’s fingers have already pushed his sleeve up in an attempt to see the wound better and Suguru knows it’s too late.

Satoru has seen the raised imperfections that mar his skin and his fingertips have glided over every bump on his forearm.

“I can handle it,” Suguru presses out, keeping his sleeve safely over his arm, even though it hurts the wound more. “There’s no need for you to bother.”

He hopes that his voice is cold enough to shut Satoru down, but it’s always a gamble with him. Satoru can be incredibly perceptive but it’s a skill he switches on and off and even if he has it on, there’s still a fifty-fifty chance he’ll just ignore it.

Suguru does not expect to get lucky, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to invite conversation about this. He never wanted Satoru to know about this in the first place and that hasn’t changed.

If he doesn’t explain, if he doesn’t acknowledge the existence of the scars, maybe Satoru will drop it.

“Let’s just get back to the hotel,” Satoru says, his voice subdued and he doesn’t reach for Suguru again and he doesn’t comment on what he must have seen at all.

Suguru doesn’t trust it yet. Satoru has the uncanny ability to hit him with unsettling stuff at the most unexpected times and while Suguru learned to anticipate it to the best of his ability, he is under no illusion that Satoru does it on purpose.

It’s a good way to catch him off guard after all and it ensured that Satoru got his way on more than one occasion.

Still, Suguru nods, because what else is there to do? At least the first aid kit they are always required to bring to overnight missions is in his room.

Satoru doesn’t speak on the entire way back to the hotel but Suguru knows that’s going to change once they reach his room and instead of going on to his own like Suguru hoped he would, Satoru pushes into the room behind him, not giving him a chance to deny him entry.

“Satoru,” Suguru warningly says but Satoru doesn’t seem phased by it.

“I already saw it, so what’s hiding going to do now?” he snaps out. “Wrapping injuries on your own arm is difficult as hell, so just let me do it. It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”

It matters very much, if Suguru is honest, but he doesn’t have a good comeback for Satoru, because he’s not wrong. He did already see the scars so in all honesty there shouldn’t be a reason for Suguru to hide them anymore and the cut on his arm is deep enough to need real treatment, not whatever botched up job Suguru will be able to do with just one hand.

Still, it rankles, that Satoru is right.

“Fine,” he eventually bites out and stalks off to the bathroom, trusting Satoru to follow him. Suguru sits down on the toilet, not bothering to get the first aid kit, because if Satoru insists on treating him, then he’ll better do it properly.

Satoru follows him shortly after, the kit in his hands and he kneels down at Suguru’s feet.

“Can you–” he gestures at Suguru’s arm and Suguru huffs out a breath.

“The uniform is a lost cause anyway, just cut it off,” he mutters, because there’s no reason for him to awkwardly wriggle out of his uniform and possibly aggravate the injury further.

“Okay,” Satoru softly says and gets out the scissors before making short process of Suguru’s sleeve.

Suguru knows what his arm looks like, obviously, but it’s still hard to see. Especially with Satoru’s eyes fixed on there as well now, scars in full view, even though he makes an effort to concentrate on the still bleeding wound.

Suguru didn’t want him to know–ever–but of course with a job like theirs it would come out eventually. Suguru is probably lucky he managed to hide it for as long as he did. But now that Satoru knows he’s sure to have some thoughts about it and tact is really not one of Satoru’s strong suits. 

Suguru can just hope that Satoru is not going to judge him for it, or worse–look at him with pity now.

“Suguru,” Satoru starts just then, his voice barely more than a soft breath in the otherwise quiet room and Suguru is immediately done with this.

“Shut it,” he snaps at him. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Satoru shuts his mouth so fast his teeth clack together but of course Suguru’s outburst is not enough to keep him quiet for long.

Suguru sees him open his mouth again but before he can tell him again to stop talking Satoru blurts out “I have an eating disorder.”

Now that is one effective way to shut Suguru up, he faintly thinks, and he can’t help but to stare at Satoru, who has his eyes still fixed on Suguru’s arm as he cleans the cut. Suguru doesn’t even notice it sting when he wipes the wound.

“I get why you��re this defensive right now because you clearly didn’t want to share this and I never wanted you to find out, either, so I just–a secret for a secret, alright?”

It’s a stupid offer, so it’s exactly something Satoru would do and still, Suguru can do nothing but stare at him.

“Are you—going to ask?” Satoru eventually wants to know as he wraps Suguru’s arm up.

“You have an eating disorder,” Suguru repeats as if that would make it make more sense and his confusion only grows when Satoru nods.

“I do.”

“But you eat enough!”

“It’s not that kind of disorder because when has anything with me and my stupid family been easy,” Satoru says with a scoff and Suguru just doesn’t understand.

His cutting at least makes sense if you look at his history but this? He can’t wrap his head around this at all.

“It’s a learned binge eating disorder,” Satoru says and it sounds as if he’s reciting it from somewhere.

“Learned how?” Suguru finds himself asking even as he curls his arm protectively closer to his body, subconsciously still trying to stop Satoru from seeing the scars on there.

“Or a forced one? I can never quite get it right, but my therapist keeps saying it’s not my fault,” Satoru mutters. “Fact is, my family’s to thank for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not enough for them that I have both of the techniques. They also want me to be—breedable, I guess, was the term my father used. Only one person can have the Six Eyes at any given time, but my father thinks if I just impregnate enough women one of them will be pregnant by the time I die and then there’s a chance the baby inherits them. And since my ‘personality is lacking’ I have to at least be hot. His words, not mine,” Satoru says with a forced little smile and Suguru doesn’t even know where to start with all of this.

Maybe it’s a good thing he’s sitting down, because things are spinning in his head.

“So I wasn’t allowed to eat anything sweet. They put me on a pretty strict diet. But since I’m me and I fucking love sugar, I ate everything I could get my hands on in one sitting. I’d just stuff my face until I felt sick. Sometimes they found out and they made me throw it all back up again but—yeah,” Satoru trails off as his eyes go unfocused. “I still don’t know how to really responsibly eat sweets. If I have the chance I just—down it all in one go.”

“But that’s not true,” Suguru says with a frown. “I’ve seen you eat. It’s not like that. If we go out you have one crepe or waffle, one piece of everything. I’ve never seen you do what you just said.”

“That’s because I have you,” Satoru admits softly. “I know it’s not fair and I should probably have told you about this sooner, but I put you in charge of my sweet consumption.”

“Huh?”

“I know you never thought twice about it, but did you never wonder why I always hand you all my sweets?”

“It’s because my pockets are bigger,” Suguru immediately blurts out because that is always the excuse Satoru gives him when he shoves another bag of candies at him.

“Yeah, I say that—and it’s not even really a lie—but I do it because you make sure to only give me one piece at a time. I know you realised that I wolf down my food whenever we are out, especially sweet things, because you always comment on it, but if it were up to me I’d get up and order again and again and again. You never let me, though.”

“It sounds as if I’m starving you,” Suguru mutters, still trying to wrap his head around all of this.

“No, Suguru,” Satoru says and leans forward until he can take Suguru’s hand in his. “You make sure I get exactly enough food. I’m not good at doing that myself. I’m getting better at it because I keep hearing you in my mind when I’m about to overdo it and you’re not physically there but it’s not easy for me. You help though.”

“I—didn’t know,” Suguru gets out at that and Satoru gives him a bashful look.

“I didn’t want you to,” he admits and his eyes fall on Suguru’s arm again.

Suguru grits his teeth because it feels almost like a physical touch, having Satoru’s eyes fixed on his scars but Satoru doesn’t reach out and Suguru doesn’t move.

“When I saw them, I figured you’d think I would pity you, or think less of you. It’s a very you thing to do, you know,” Satoru softly says and squeezes Suguru’s hand. “But there’s no need for that. And besides. You seem to have things under control all by your own. They all look healed up already. So if you want some pity in the mix, you can pity me ‘cause I’m not able to keep myself in check unlike you,” Satoru says as if it doesn’t cost him anything to say that, but Suguru knows him better than that.

He sees the strain around his eyes, the downturn of his mouth, feels the almost imperceptible shake of his hand.

Suguru knows that Satoru is worried out of his mind.

“I’m not, though,” Suguru admits and he finally relaxes his still half-uncovered arm. “It’s like—you know how recovering alcoholics usually can’t be around alcohol at all cause the urge is always there?” Suguru wants to know and Satoru nods, a small frown on his face. “It’s like that. It’s been years since I last cut but the thought is always right there,” he chokes out, but it’s not as terrifying to admit as he thought it would be.

Not with what Satoru already shared.

“Some days I get really fucking close.”

Suguru has never admitted that to anyone before and Satoru hums in response.

“How do you manage to not do it?” he quietly asks, sliding the fingers of his free hand over the raised scars on Suguru’s forearm.

Suguru twitches, his instinct yelling at him to pull his arm away but he takes a deep breath. It’s Satoru. It’s okay if it’s Satoru, he has to believe that.

“I—” Suguru’s voice breaks before he can even finish the first goddamn word, but he forces himself to go on, feeling strangely empowered by Satoru’s gaze on him. “I think about how worried you’d be if you ever found out and saw new cuts,” he confesses and Satoru stills at hearing that.

“Well, you’d be right.” Satoru looks up to give him a small smile. “I’d be worried out of my mind if that happened.”

“Yeah, so I—don’t,” Suguru finishes lamely and Satoru huffs out a wet laugh.

“We really are a pair, huh? I have you keep me in check for my eating disorder and you use my worrying as an incentive not to cut.”

“Whatever works, right?” Suguru gives back, reaching out to push Satoru’s hair out of his face, allowing Satoru to slide his fingers over the whole expanse of his scars in the process.

“Whatever works,” Satoru agrees, his eyes going soft and gentle. “I’m glad I can be of help.”

“Me, too,” Suguru replies, his eyes burning with tears at the understanding he finds in Satoru’s.

He really should have known that Satoru’s reaction would be nothing like he expected, because he always manages to surprise him but even he couldn’t have predicted this.

“I think we’re about ready to turn in now, aren’t we?” Satoru finally breaks the weird moment between them and Suguru instinctively tightens his hand on Satoru’s.

“I don’t think I want to be alone tonight,” Suguru admits, because what is one more truth today and Satoru gives him a dazzling smile in return.

“Great, because I wasn’t keen on leaving.”

It makes the last splinter of worry come lose in Suguru’s chest. It’s not going to be the first night they spend together, but he guesses today it’s going to feel different.

It will still be good though, because with Satoru, it always is.

[arrowheadedbitch]

I feel like if I don't give enough blorbos eating disorders I will immediately develop one. I have a quota.

[sleepyorchidmonster]

Thinking again about the future Interschool Spelldrive competition, what if we get a second boot camp (it almost worked on Book 5, damn you Rook).

This time, things would be a bit more hectic, though.

Assuming the team would consist of all the overblotters + Grim, here's some headcanons:

- After a lot of arguing, they agree to name Vil the leader, with Leona acting as the coach and captain;

- To make things easier, they establish a few rules, only to remember Riddle is there. They settle for "No fighting or it's Off With Your Head for a day";

- Vil creates a skincare routine for everyone;

- Malleus and Leona are constantly bickering;

- There was an attempt to enforce a diet (it was just a ban on Idia's instant noodles), but Riddle got offended and we got this exchange:

Riddle: As you can see, I already follow a strict diet, so no need to worry!

Vil: That's way too unhealthy, you're starving yourself! You need more nutrients!

Yuu: Soooo, is this plus the overblot enough to call the CPS on Riddle's mom already? And revoke her license while we're at it?

Grim: Man, everytime we think we've seen the worst of her, Mrs. Rosehearts just finds a new way to show how she sucks at parenting...

Everyone: WHAT THE ACTUA-

Riddle: MOVING ON!!

(Azul also wanted to say a few things on the diet part, but Leona cut him off with a pointed look and a "You're fine, octopunk, remember, don't let the opinions of a bunch of jerks control you! Be yourself and be healthy!")

- They dealt with the Mrs. Rosehearts problem as soon as possible to avoid a murder on the day of the game;

- They wake up early for practice! Idia and Leona have to be dragged out of their beds. The others started a game over who could wake these two the fastest (Vil brough an orchestra while Yuu brought Adeuce and a kazoo, Jamil won) ;

- I sincerely don't know where Azul or Idia would be on the team due to their low stamina and hatred of brooms. Right now it's Riddle, Jamil and Vil on brooms, Leona and Malleus on the ground. Maybe Idia on the ground while Azul goes through his character arc and flies;

- Game nights for team building. Don't let them play Uno or Monopoly. Jamil is killing it on DDR though;

- To teach them the importance (and how to skirt the rules) Leona created a game where people have to break a rule and not get caught by the referee (Riddle). If you can escape his notice, you're fine;

- They exchange Spelldrive tactics, though most moves are familiar to the rest, Heartslabyul's "Throw the disk and the player into the goal" was new (it was inspired by the chandelier incident);

- Vil is designing a new NRC outfit (team spirit requires a good team outfit);

- They may or may not find a hidden catacomb in Ramshackle;

- Jamil has finally known peace, he just needs a set of headphones;

- Breakfast time includes a lot of yelling. Riddle can be seen drinking tea with the ghosts on the ceiling, trying to avoid the chaos. Malleus sometimes joins the group;

The rest of the cast pays them regular visits to make sure nobody died yet.

[lokilysolbitch]

i slap a pretty outfit on and it recontextualizes my autism as cool and mysterious and whimsical like an uncanny forest creature. but don't be fooled. if my retainer doesn't fit right in my mouth i start self destructing for four hours

[oreoambitions]

People on the internet: you should just listen to your body and eat when you're hungry :) My body: My body: My body: Me: why do I feel so weak and irritable

[lucifers-little-light]

Angel, even if you aren't saying those things to Husk, the fact you're saying it at all is enough for him to think you feel the same about him. Just, drop the body shaming shit. You have a beautiful family to focus on

Angel: *walking with Husk on his way to a restaurant* Yeah I know! I feel ridiculous! I shouldn’t even be thinking about that old life!

*immediately sees posters of Adam all over the place*

Husk: *feels Angel’s grip get tighter* Ow! Angel? What’s wrong?

Angel: That fat fuck! HOW IS HE THE FACE OF BEAUTY?! HUH?!

Husk: *pulls away* Angel?!

Angel: *loosing it* I AM WAY HOTTER THAN SOME OVERWEIGHT—

Husk: Stop!

Angel: — UGLY PIG—

Husk: Angel stop!!

Angel: DADDY FUCKER!!

Husk: *firmly* What the hell is wrong with you? You’re not like this. Why are you acting like some shallow jerk?

Angel: *snapping out of it, guilt flickering across his face* I—Husk, I didn’t mean—

Husk: *interrupting, pointing at one of the posters* You see that guy up there? Yeah, maybe he’s not your idea of ‘hot,’ but guess what? That doesn’t give you the right to tear him down like that. You’re better than this, Angel.

Angel: *looking away, defensive* You don’t get it, Husk! That guy—he’s working for Valentino. I can feel it. That sleazy bastard is probably pulling his strings just like he did to me.

Husk: *narrowing his eyes* And you think that makes it okay to call him names? To go off on some tirade about his looks? You’ve been through this shit before, Angel. You know how it feels to be judged and used.

Angel: *clenching his fists, his voice lowering* Yeah, I know... I just... I hate seeing Valentino win. It makes my blood boil. I mean all the years he made me starve myself to meet his standards! He would take food away from me! He wanted me skinny and…breakable…

Husk: *sighing, his tone softening* I get that. Believe me, I do. But don’t let him drag you down to his level. You’re not like him, Angel. You’ve come too far to let him turn you into someone you’re not.

Angel: *taking a deep breath, nodding slowly* Yeah... you’re right. I just... I saw those posters, and it all came rushing back. The control, the humiliation, everything.

Husk: *placing a reassuring hand on Angel’s arm* I know it’s hard. But don’t let your past define you. Focus on your family, Angel. On Rory. On me.

Angel: *smiling weakly, his anger dissipating* You’re too good to me, you know that?

Husk: *smirking* Damn right I am. Now let’s go eat before I start calling you cranky.

Angel laughed, the tension finally easing. The two of them continued walking, leaving the posters behind. But deep down, Angel couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that Adam’s sudden rise to fame was no coincidence.

[desultory-suggestions]

You will never have it all figured out. That can be an uncomfortable truth to accept, but remember that the goal is not to be prepared for everything. It is simply to be capable of responding healthily to the unexpected.

[thornsnvultures]

eddie munson x plus size!reader

a little drabble about going on a road trip with eddie, steve & robin based on this ask i got yesterday

cw: past body image issues, implied past eating disorder

-----

"Please don't eat that," Steve blanches at the hot dog in your hands. "Those things are terrible for you."

"Don't judge my choice of food. This road trip just started and I didn't have breakfast," you huff and roll your eyes.

"I'm just looking out for you," Steve holds his hands up, backing out of your way so you can grab napkins and a few ketchup packets.

"I'll be fine, Steven. I've had worse things in my mouth."

Steve snorts out a laugh and crosses his arms. "Yeah, you've been with Munson for, what, a year now?"

"Rude," Eddie gasps, dramatically raising the heart shaped sunglasses he's wearing to the top of his head. He's loaded up with chips in one arm and a liter of soda in the other.

"Hey, babe. Any of that for me?"

"You can have whatever you like, sweetheart," Eddie says with a wink. He pushes around Steve to press a kiss to your cheek, making his way to the register.

"I'm just saying," Steve presses, following you following Eddie, "you don't know what kinda mystery meat is in that thing. Or how long it was on that roller for."

"Well good news for you, Steve," you smile at him, handing the dog to the cashier to get rung up. "You don't have to eat it."

Steve throws up his arms and walks out. He heads to where Robin's waiting for the three of you in the van, already done filling the tank.

"Don't let him bother you, baby," Eddie wraps his arm around you as you walk out together. His big bag of snacks and drinks are slung over his shoulder. Steve didn't bother you, and you tell Eddie as much.

"He's just looking out for me. He can't help it."

The sun is really beating down today, you can't wait to get back on the road with the windows down.

"I don't like him shaming you for what you eat," he whispers, the usual lightness in his voice replaced with concern. You feel Eddie bristle like a cat puffing his fur out. The posturing is cute but unnecessary.

"I'm fine, Eddie. And I appreciate you wanting to defend my honor, good sir," you smile and kiss his cheek and his hackles lower.

Eddie bows as he opens the van door for you and you laugh. He helps you climb in and kisses your hand before he lets you go.

"Get a move on, nerds!" Robin calls from the backseat. Eddie hands you the snacks and jogs around to the other side of the van.

You might've let Steve's comment bother you before, let his worry settle in your mind like an insult to your weight, your appetite. But you know better, you know Steve's worried about your health and keeling over from a tainted dog. He's not your mother, worrying over calories. He's your friend and a damn good one.

You pull out your hot dog and eat, finally, after a morning of packing and stressing that you'd forget something. Eddie smiles at you from the driver's seat, cranking up the tunes. Steve and Robin argue in the back but the open windows muffle them slightly and you settle. You're with friends, you're going to have a good summer, and you're not going to let anything stop you.

[aftgficrec]

Hey! I love your page and getting fic recs! Do you have any fics where Neil goes or agrees to go to therapy? I’m good with Bee or someone else as the therapist too. It can be canon or an au. Thanks so much! :))

I was pleasantly surprised by how much we found for you! -A

previous recs:

‘another life to live’ here

‘Oakland’ here (completed)

‘you’ve been locked in here forever (and you just can’t say goodbye)’ here (updated)

‘If it means protecting you (I’ll pay my dues)’ here (updated)

‘Interlaced’ here (updated)

‘Regrowth,’ ‘To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself,’ ‘I took a breath and took the knife,’ and ‘flashes of intimacy’ ch 4 here

‘call me in the afternoon’ here

‘The Wild Fox Den’ and ‘Roses Grow Between Bone’ here

‘(My Heart) Pierced By a Pin’ here (completed)

‘The Sun Still Rises’ here (updated)

‘day by day’ here

‘the shuffling of cards’ here

‘Ain’t it fun’ here

‘Breathe, idiot’ here

‘Healing’ series part 1 here, part 3 here (completed)

‘The Fear of Being Known’ here

‘That one party’ series and ‘keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ here

‘Affection can be shown in so many ways’ here

‘Ghost of You’ here 

‘Make This Leap (Geronimo)’ here

‘Tenuous’ here

‘There is Nothing You Can Say’ here (completed)

‘of ice blue eyes & twisted veins’ here

‘don't break the glass’ (completed) here

‘Bad Apple’ here 

‘Phantom Pains’ here

‘Therapy’ here

‘Birds of a Feather’ here (updated)

‘In which Neil had Aspergers and Andrew finds out.’ here 

‘For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry’ here (updated)

‘I Wanna Get Better’ here 

‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ parts 6 & 8 here

and more:

‘Ember’ here (completed)

‘leave the room (with a little dignity)’ here

‘Art Hoe’ here

‘Blame It On My Youth’ here (updated)

‘Black as is the Raven, He’ll Get a Partner’ (here)

‘Our body’ series, part 1 here, part 3 here, part 5 here

‘and all the roads will disappear’ here

‘crossed out’ here

‘Double Trouble’ series here

‘i had a dream (where you couldn't hear me screaming)’ and ‘hold me close, in fact bury me’ here 

‘Just closed eyes with nothing behind’ here

‘doubt thou the stars be fire’ here

‘SCAR TISSUE’ here

‘Lighter Fluid’ here

you may also like:

‘The Sound’ here

historians by cielalune [Rated M, 21508 Words, Complete, 2023]

He remembers when she didn’t smell of ash, but perfume. The times they’d play the radio to fill the quiet of the car, and she’d hum along. How she never missed a single exy practice, and cheered for him each time. She wasn’t all too different from Cass in the end. Just because she was dead didn’t mean she was buried. Five times Neil tries to come to closure about the person Mary Hatford was, and the one time he accepts who she came to be.

tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: heavily referenced rape/noncon, tw: heavily referenced csa, tw: heavily referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: sleep paralysis, tw: depressive episode, tw: flashbacks with blood & gore, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: victim blaming

Mommy Dearest by chronically_peach [Rated G, 915 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil doesn’t talk about his mother much but Andrew knows it’s a touchy subject for the redhead. After a session with Betsy Neil admits he’s been thinking about his mother and allows Andrew a glimpse into who Mary Hatford really was.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Pain of a Forgotten Face series by Rose_vine [Collection, 2 complete works, Updated 2021]

Part 1: Pain of a Forgotten Face [M, 3086 Words] Neil Josten is awoken by a face in his nightmares from twelve years ago, a face he barely remembers. When he tries to brush it off and go to practice, he realizes too late that some memories refuse to let themselves be forgotten.

tw: ptsd, tw: panic attacks, tw: nightmares, tw: hallucinations, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: blood/gore

Part 2: A Hand to Hold Me Back From The Cliff [Not Rated, 2132 Words] After Neil collapses on the court from a flashback from when he was younger, Andrew convinces him to go to therapy. This is his first session with Bee, and it is only Andrew at his side that gives him the strength to walk through the door.

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

After the Beep by kanekei [Rated T, 1030 Words, Incomplete, Updated Sept 2023]

Neil works through his relationship with his dead mother by leaving her voice messages that she'll never hear. It’s healthy, Bee says. He can’t help but think having the Minyards as patients has skewed her perception of what that word means. The number you have reached is not available. Please leave your message after the beep.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced violence

The Foxes by akaashisramen [Not Rated, 3386 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2023]

Trans Neil is on the run from his father and goes to his uncles house. His uncle promises him protection and allows him to play Exy as long as he goes to group therapy to process his mothers death.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture

someday, we'll grow by nopunintended [Rated G, 2078 Words, Complete, 2021]

Andrew and Neil see Betsy for a couple's therapy session per Andrew's request.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Couples Therapy by P0tatonoah [Rated T, 2014 Words, Complete 2020]

I got a lot of comments (like 3 or 4) on my breakup fic asking for a part 2 where Neil and Andrew patch things up and live happily ever after… This is not it. But you can read it as an alternative ending if you want. 

tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual touch, tw: implied/referenced violence

NB: find P0tatonoah’s andreil break up fic ‘Home...?’ here

They sicken of the calm, they who know the storm by EdgySpaghetti [Not Rated, 3162 Words, Complete, 2023]

After storm there always comes the sun. People born into the storm, who growing up sees only black clouds and lightnings striking everywhere, just learn how to live with it, how to protect themselves from cold, wind and rain. They recognize the pattern, know that lightning will struck sooner or later and are prepared for it. What are those people to do when there is no more dark clouds? They don't know how to live in this environment, how to dress to not get too hot and how to prevent potential sunburnt. They never had to do that before. They're still expecting the lightnings.

tw: ptsd, tw: anxiety, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: anger issues

Can I finally stop running now? by gracefromspace [Rated T, 12110 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil is intrigued by a blonde baker with piercings, two therapy cats and strong arms.

tw: heavily referenced torture, tw: flashbacks with blood/gore, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: anxiety, tw: negative self image

can't blame it on my youth by PoolToast22 [Rated G, 2650 Words, Complete, 2022]

The one where Neil Josten is Fine TM. But he's also in therapy. And today Bee decided to ask him that question.

hold on to happiness by minyarday [Rated T, 551 Words, Complete, 2020]

"self esteem had never been something Neil cared about. when you are a runaway that don't even have a place to call home, you learn to prioritize certain things and forget others" only that now he has the time to think about it

I'll Come Back To You by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 6900 Words, Complete, 2022]

Some of the things he’s learned today feel like stories about someone else: Neil switched to playing striker at a tiny high school in Arizona. Aaron lives in Chicago with his wife. Andrew’s cousin calls Neil every Tuesday, because Andrew is too stubborn to pick up the phone himself. But other things are clear truths, even if they’re more abstract: Neil’s mother died. Andrew is safe. Neil was supposed to stay, but part of him is gone. - - - - It's about dreams, reality, trust, patience, and determination. It's about making promises and keeping them. You'll figure out the rest.

tw: car accidents, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced violence

I will help you swim by unojonex [Rated E, 11699 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

He’s slowed down, stayed in one place for more than a few months and it's all caught up with him. In his sleep, ghosts of his past haunt him. And they have no mercy. Dreams and imagination swirl together in a confusing mix of nightmares that don't go away, even when he's awake. -- basically Neil and Andrew getting together while also dealing with a lot of trauma

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/refererenced torture, tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: suicide ideation, tw: graphic nightmares with blood/gore, tw: dissociation, tw: hallucinations, tw: panic attacks

But Touch My Tears with Your Lips by transjorts [Rated M, 4070 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2022]

Andrew is sitting across from him, expression neutral, fork in hand. He’d dragged the tinnes across the plate—purposefully, if Neil had to guess. Andrew has already cut the burrito up into tiny pieces and spears one morsel on the fork, lifting it to his mouth. “Hi,” Neil says. Andrew chews, very deliberately. “Do you feel better?” Neil frowns. “What?” Andrew eats another bite. “Did all that running make you feel better?” Neil sighs and glances down, noticing that his water has been refilled. He takes a sip. “No.”

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: nightmares, tw: dissociation

let's just sit awhile by artiest [Rated M, 17291 Words, Complete. 2022, Locked]

Neil and Andrew don't have to keep fighting for their survival. They can settle now. It's hard, but they're trying. OR: During Neil's second year in Palmetto State, him and Andrew learn to take care of each other.

tw: severe mental health issues, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced torture,  tw: nightmares with blood/gore, tw: flashbacks,  tw: dissociation, tw: violence, tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: vomit, tw: alcohol abuse/alcholism

I could never give you peace by freshtaylorswiftduck [Rated T, 3407 Words, Complete. 2022]

Neil has both bad and good days. Today is a bad day.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attacks

10 tips to stress less, without the tips by lumos_max [Rated T, 5404 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Fall 2020]

A lonely Neil lets his therapist bully him into checking out the clinic's support group without too much fuss, but little did he know he wouldn't be checking out the group that day, instead meeting a dramatic hunk of a man who drives a fancy car and forgets to wipe the cream off the corner of his lip. It's only fair that Neil tries to do it for him, right?

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

“God, I have my father’s eyes.” by perks_of_being_a_writer [Rated T, 673 Words, Complete, 2022]

This is based on Family Line by Conan Gray. In this short story, Neil is at a therapy appointment where he and Betsy dive into his parental issues. This covers Neil’s abuse from both parents (because, yes, Mary was abusive and a bad mother). This is Neil learning that it's not his fault his parents hurt him and accepting that he is loved.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

"There's blood on my/your hands." by markonasurface (idwir) [Rated T, 4667 Words, Complete, 2018]

The year after his 19th birthday, the other team decides to recreate the bloody locker scene complete with a ‘Happy Birthday, Jr.’ Instead of stuffing everything down, Neil has a complete freak out and sinks into a depression.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks, tw: ptsd, tw: major depressive episode, tw: homophobia, tw: disordered eating, tw: vomit

Nothing is Safe series by hismiley16 [Rated T/M/E, Collection, 7 complete works, Updated July 2023]

Parts 3 and 7 recced here

Part 4: Written On His Skin [Not Rated, 11344 Words] The Foxes face the Ravens for the first time since Riko's death and things go as well as expected. Andrew is mildly injured on the court and isn't there to protect Neil when the new Evermore captain comes for him after the game. The team sees more than Neil ever wanted them to, including the ghost of Nathaniel he thought he'd buried in Baltimore.

tw: vomit, tw: bullying, tw: nonconsensual touch/assault  tw: dissociation, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced animal death, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

The Josten Anxiety Method by orphan_account [Rated M, 1721 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil talks to Bee about his anxiety.

tw: anxiety, tw: hallucinations, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Looking in the Mirror Never Felt so Good by Trimorphia [Rated T, 8693 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil Josten's journey to becoming a real person.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Achilles Come Down by infernalstars [Rated M, 5017 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil Josten was a liar before he was anything else. In the nest, sometimes his choices were between lying and dying. He’d had a decent amount of self preservation that he’d chosen the former. But now, being free, the world felt so heavy. He wished he’d chosen dying.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: eating disorders focus, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: vomit, tw: depression 

prompt: Neil x therapy bullet fic by @sadboyayeron [Tumblr, 2020]